Creating Sustainable Community
Better quality decision making comes from better quality communication.
If everyone’s needs are being met then everyone will be feeling good.
If this is the most important thing, then knowing what we and others are really needing is a reliable starting point for any community group sharing.
If we know what we are needing we can respond more appropriately. But first we need to know what we and others around us are really feeling. This takes us into ourselves and at first may feel uncomfortable – but it gets us out the head and into our heart space.
Where there is love there is unity. To get to unity we may at first experience the opposite.
What is it that brings us together in the first place? If this is stronger than our differences we will keep on growing and moving forward to our common goal.
When you think of this, picture your goal or purpose, how does it feel? Are there ways for us to share this when we meet together?
Sharing what is “good or new” for you, or a highlight in our life keeps us heart centered, for example.
There are two ways to communicate, one is reactive, the other pro-active. One breaks down the other builds communication.
Saying what we feel is the most important right? But if I blame someone for what I am feeling and do nothing about my feeling, community goes out the window.
If I say, “I’m really annoyed, you should’ve done this or you should’ve done that.”, or if I say, “When you do this I’m feeling really annoyed, because I’m needing to know we can get this situation solved together”, one simply blames and breaks down communication, the other implies I’m owning my feeling and builds a cooperative response.
Remember together we are stronger, we can be creators of our experience. Remember our common goal.
Start by sharing what’s going on for each personally, what we are experiencing, what we are needing right for our well-being, to be sorted, to reach our goals, to be happy.
We can always give respect by listening and we can speak in turns to the group as a whole so we are owning our experience as individuals and together.
When we have listened well we can sense and respond to what the needs really are. Then it's good to resolve any issues and discuss activities and make plans for our actions.
Recording the changes – it can be that everyone notes points for their attention, or the group has someone volunteer. Which is less work is better!
Confirm the points – go-round to confirm everyone is clear what they will do. Check if you think our needs will be met by these actions. If not, revisit the topic.
Celebration – a good feeling shared is like good medicine. Sharing what’s good and new, a hug, a song, a pot-luck meal, a recent highlight or pearl of wisdom reaffirms our common-unity. It can help us move out of negativity into positive solution-oriented mode and a happy feeling! We go forward to co-create community. What’s more important?
— Jonathan Eveleigh, April ‘07